Five Foot Flirt
(Cyril Tawney)

Now don't say Jim Johnson weren't with 'ee last night

I heard him as plain as can be

I was crossing the mound when I heard a strange sound

Down by the sycamore tree

I thought perhaps a cow had got stuck in the mud

And pulled out its foot with a moo

But I'm satisfied now that that noise weren't a cow

It was Jim kissing you

Chorus

You'm a five foot flirt wi' the face of an angel

You better had leave I alone

Why the way you're acting it nearly unnerves I

The thing that preserves I is my joviality

Though I've got trouble as thick as the stubble

It's you that's the worst of them all

Get out of my track and if you want to come back

You can crawl, crawl, crawl.

Remember what happened last Saturday night

The air was so peaceful and still

Like a bolt from the blue came a hullabaloo

A growling and a cackling so shrill

It came to my head as I leapt from my bed

There's a fox at my chickens, that's true

I crept out in my socks and bumped into the fox

It was Jim kissing you

Chorus

Now what's your excuse for last Sunday in church

It fair turned the poor vicar grey

While the organist was rendering, "Lead Kindly Light"

Jim Johnson kept pumping away

Then all of a sudden the organ stopped short

The vicar got into a stew

When he went round behind tell me what did he find

He found Jim kissing you

Chorus